I have never sprayed it on or lain with intent under a bulb. What can I say? It’s not my bag. I manage to keep my face looking a browner shade of pale during the winter by spending quality time outdoors, doing things like walking and fetching rewood—and by trying to hit Miami and Jamaica and points south a couple of times a year. But hey, I’ve never had a microwave oven, either. I tan with sun and cook with gas.

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